“YONFL – The Beginnings” by Charles Barenbrugge
“Yes or No For Life” popped into my head one day when I was thinking about almost turning 59 years old on August 9th, 2011 and weighing-in at a Healthy (not really) weight of 282 pounds – sans clothing.
It was June 30, 2011 and I was thinking about what I could do to change my life and take charge of myself – both eating habits and exercise (yuck)!
As a child I was always a little chunky but the boys I hung around with were trim and lean I would lay awake at nights dreaming that I was one of them. If any of them had a girlfriend, I would fantasize being them with their girlfriend. Although I was attracted more to the boys, I thought it was due to my wanting to be “like” them.
The boys I loved to be around were all in sports and as much as I tried to please them, I wasn't too coordinated so when it came time to choose teams, I was always the last one chosen or actually the captain would say, “ok Chuck, I guess you are on our team”!
As a young child at our church (Methodist in Glencoe) I excelled at singing in the children's choir – sang Soprano until I was 10 years old – (got all of the solos!!) but I had to endure the bullies who would tackle me outside the rehearsal center on my way to my parent's car in the summer or washed my face with snow in the Winter. Unfortunately, I was only about 5'6” at the time and still pudgy and non-confrontative.
Then, lo and behold I started to grow between my 7th grade year and my sophomore year in high school (New Trier East). I grew from 5'6” to 6'3.5”. During the growth spurt I became increasingly uncoordinated and I began to stutter so uncontrollably that I had to take speech lessons. My nose began to enlarge (Germanic proportions – My brother David would call me Eagle-Beak for laughs) and I had a horrible case of acne but I was as slender as a “rail”.
Because I grew up watching the Brady Bunch and My Three Sons, etc. I wanted to look as good as those boys on TV but with acne and stuttering and a big nose, I literally became a “hermit” and avoided outside contact as much as possible. I found my solace in joining the theater department at New Trier, and spent 4 years in the choruses of My Fair Lady, Pajama Game, Bye Bye Birdie and West Side Story. It gave me a chance to experience an imaginary life where you could wear make-up and cover-up your flaws.
Then by the middle of my senior year I decided to go under the knife and have a nose job. My doctor, the same one that Marlo Thomas used to get rid of her “honker” did my nose. I wanted a cute nose like Marlo's but Dr. Tressley said that I wouldn't look good with that small of a nose, so I wound up with what I have now.
Although it didn't get rid of my acne, it gave me a better look on life. At graduation, I felt great and I was treated to a 6 week trip to Europe by my parents.
As time went on, I became more coordinated when it came to playing baseball and other sports but by then, it didn't mean that much to me. Although I was trying to fit into the “straight” world I became more and more interested in “coming out of the closet” and living as a gay man in straight society.
After a short stint at Kendall College (Liberal Arts when I was there) in Evanston, I left school and had a myriad of jobs including: Mail Room Supervisor at General Binding Corporation in Northbrook, Shipping/Receiving Manager at Colby's Home Furnishings on Michigan Avenue at Chestnut, Assistant Manager of Shipping and Receiving at the new Lord & Taylor store at Water Tower Place, etc. During this time I was still staying pretty fit especially doing the “grunt” work I did. Then, I went back to college and finished up with a BA in Economics from the U of IL at Chicago Circle. I found a job in the insurance business in Evanston at 1601 Orrington (State National Bank Building) and began my career as an Insurance Account Representative in Property Casualty Insurance.
With my new found position and “desk” job and my age (31 years old) although I had a gym membership, I found myself becoming more and more sedentary resulting in the beginning of my weight dilemma. This is when I started on the roller coaster of weight gain and weight loss trying Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc.
As a matter of fact, in 1992 when I had risen to my highest weight of 231 pounds, my mother told me that I was walking like a duck because of my weight. I hated it when she told me to do something so I always did the opposite – well mostly. But one day I saw an ad for Jenny Craig and I was at a Real Estate closing downtown and walked past Jenny Craig in the Thompson Building. I went up to the second floor and then, in a matter of weeks, my life changed for the best. I went to the classes, made my food for the day, drank lots of water and in 6 weeks I went from 231 pounds down to 193 pounds. I felt so good and proud of myself and knew I would “never” gain unnecessary weight ever again!!
My partner at the time and I went to a Christmas cocktail Party and most of the guys were shocked to see my looking so thin that one of them even accused me of having AIDS!?!
Unfortunately, with a diet like that, I hadn't changed my mental eating habits and in-time gained the weight I had lost and actually went up to 288 pounds. I would exercise and try to eat right but I always would gain back the weight. Then about 6 years ago I was on a weight-loss reality show in Chicago called the “Thintuition Competition”. I lost 57 pounds in 4 months but it was basically a diet where you only ate when you were truly hungry. It really screwed up my eating habits and I found that I would binge to try and get food into me after it was over. As a result, I gained almost all of my weight back, one more time.
Fast forward to August, 2011. Frank, my current partner, and I were visiting his sister and brother-in-law in Texas for our birthdays (I'm the 9th and Frank is the 7th of August). We went to play mini-golf in Galveston and we were sitting at a Landry's Restaurant and Frank took a picture of me (282 pounds). When we got back to Chicago, I couldn't help but look at that picture and wonder how I had let myself get to such a weight, again!!
Then, Paul (of Mimi and Paul) in Texas, who had a problem with his heart, had a massive stroke on the porch of their home in late September 2011 and died with the cell phone clutched in his hand waiting for the paramedics.
Thinking about my extreme obesity and pain in my right knee when I (a Real Estate Broker with RE/MAX Premier Properties) would show walk-up penthouses to my clients and Paul's death, I decided to inquire about getting a personal trainer to help me with my dilemma. As I was entering the Bally's Club on Dempster Street in Morton Grove one day to do some Charles' exercise – some bike, treadmill and then steam – I happened to be walking next to one of the trainers by the name of Corey Wissing. I asked him if besides helping me with exercise he could also help me with my diet and of course he said “yes”. So, after taking a free assessment evaluation with Corey, I signed up for an 18 session course.
I was impressed how he took my measurements and weight and his sense of joy to have another over-weight person take the “Corey Challenge”. During the 18 sessions, I will admit that there were times that I actually cried during the maneuvers but with his attention to showing me what to do and how to do the various exercises and machines, kept me safe during the entire process. Within the 18 sessions, I dropped 45 pounds and lost a total of 17.5 inches. To date, I have lost 12 inches in my waist and have increased my muscle mass. I have donated my larger sized clothes to Howard Brown and I am exercising more and more and eating an extremely safe diet.
Basically I have cut out “bad carbs” and refined sugars. My goal is to get into my 36 inch waist jeans in time for my birthday in August – down from a 52 inch waist a year earlier.
Now, you may ask yourself why “YONFL”?
During my exercise regime with Corey (who I was only with for an hour each session) I was responsible for myself for all of the other hours. So, when it comes to thinking about what to buy at the grocery store (btw what goes into your body has to come out of your body in either a solid waste or liquid format – so basically it is a case of GIGO – or Garbage In Garbage Out) so I will say to myself – is this food a “yes or no for life” food. If it's good, it's a yes and vice versa. It also goes for drinks. I drink water – no coffee, no pop, no alcohol – just water and once in a while some lactose free 2% milk!
My meals are made up primarily of eggs, broccoli, cauliflower, bananas, berries, and chicken. It sounds boring but the proof is in my dedication to losing weight and feeling great. Oh and as for my aching knees, that doesn't happen anymore because of the weight loss. If you have a chance, go to a Home Depot or Loews and pick up a 50 pound bag of Mulch, Grass Seed or Salt and that is how much weight I have lost – PLUS!!
YONFL for you.......
Starting today, whenever you are thinking of eating or exercising or not or whatever, just ask yourself is this event a “Yes or No For Life?”!
You have the power within to manage the rest of your life the best way possible. But no one is perfect. If you have a bad day and let a “No” item infiltrate your being – don't mentally punish yourself, just pick up the pieces, brush yourself off and begin anew. Remember the old adage - “Today is the first day of the rest of my life!” You can't change what happened yesterday, two weeks ago, 14 years ago and you can't change what happened a second ago. But you do have the power to control what you are doing in one minute, day, hour, year from now by taking one moment at a time.
So, remember, your mantra can be my mantra or “YONFL”!!
Thank you for reading this short story on how I have been able to change my life for the better and GOOD LUCK!!!
If you need a helping hand or have any questions, you can email me at Charles@YONFL.com or call me at 847-858-3504!
